As found on Facebook...
The two biggest things that are said at a wedding are,
“To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, 'til death do us part?”
“Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him/her, from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto him/her, for as long as you both shall live?”
At what point in life was it decided that these things should take effect at the point of inception of the marriage? Could this be why more than half of marriages fail in today’s society? Admittedly I am guilty of thinking the same things as everyone has. No one person really has had the time or the patience to really think through this thought process. And even now, people are getting married at younger ages and shorter relationship time spans.
Is it actually wrong to live by these standards at the initiation of a dating relationship? Though these commitments are expected at any point of a relationship by either party, no one person has truly committed themselves to these idealistic processes. Many people will tell you that you cannot change a person, even in one day. So, how can one person honestly change to these standards at the point of “I Do”?
Is it even possible for one person to live by these remote standards in a relationship? And if so, how can you guarantee both people in a relationship are willing and able to follow these commitments in a relationship, let alone a marriage. The biggest issue in regards to this is trust, honesty, and love. In reality, you can’t have any one of these without the other three. You can’t trust someone if you aren’t honest and loving of them. You can’t love someone if you don’t trust them and aren’t honest with them.
Think of these three things as a circular table with three legs. Take one of these legs out and the table will fall. And worst yet, every sane person will tell you that trust is not given, it is earned. Love is not given, it comes over time. And honesty… how many people are willing to tell a stranger their life story?
Everyone was raised hearing the same speeches, metaphors, quotes, and stories. The problem is that every one of these are absolutely wrong. They say, “Think before you act” or a parents biggest one, “What were you thinking?”. Truth be known, every single thought that crosses a persons mind is already processed. You cannot physically answer a question like the two above. Sometimes, they will corner you with their insane logic by saying, “Next time think… look at the pro’s and con’s. Write them down.” This is the most ignorant thing someone could do. If you were really to write down these things and weigh out which one is better, you thoughts will process to the decision you have already made. Thoughts can be changed in a matter of seconds. Thousands upon Thousands of thoughts cross a persons mind in a moments notice. The reality of everything is “Don’t think. Feel”. Your thoughts may change almost instantly, but you cannot deny nor hide how you truly feel about something. Just because you think something is wrong, you can trick you mind by saying that it is only wrong if you get caught. But you can’t shake that “feeling” when you know something is wrong.
Another one people are raised on is that trust is earned not given. Though, not one person has yet to question the person telling them that. These are the same people that are telling you that you must trust and respect your elders because they are older. They know better and know more than you. But they want you to earn their respect and trust. Again… this logic is completely incomprehensible. How can someone automatically give someone else trust and respect if they aren’t given the same in return? Even more so, they tell you not to talk to strangers, and don’t trust anyone you don’t know.
But didn’t they just finish telling you to trust and respect your elders? Another reality is everyone deserves to be trusted and respected 100% of the time, until they have given you a reason not to. At that point it has to be earned back over time. Any person that you have honestly lost complete trust or respect for should not be a part of your life whatsoever.
Love is another one that has been stretched out of proportion. People will tell you that if you love something so strongly, you must let it go. And then they will tell you that it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. These are the people whom have never truly experienced love at all. They are the same people that will tell you that there is no such thing as being in love, but that it is being in lust. A very smart and wise person once said, “One day someone will walk into your life and you will realize why it never would have worked out with anyone else”. This is a saying that someone will relate to when they have found that one person. For example, have you ever met someone in your life that you were too afraid to approach and talk to them, knowing that this person was the one you were meant to be with for the rest of your life? You don’t know why, and you cannot explain how, but that very moment that person walked in you felt that connection? And even months later you remember that first moment that you two met. You can recall the surroundings, what that person and you were wearing, what the weather was like, and the conversation that was taking place.
If you can agree with everything that was just said, or are now questioning the point of this information, that means that at some point or another I have gotten your attention. Which means that you have stepped out of that comfort zone that you have lived in for so long, and are now ready to understand what I am about to write next.
You can trust, love and be honest with the person you are with. You can follow those traditional rules and vows that each person makes at the inception of a marriage. But not just at the wedding ceremony, but at the beginning of a relationship. If you can acknowledge that these things are true in a marriage, then you very much so can agree that it is possible during a relationship.
By the way, this entry just changed your life more than you will ever know. Because it is the smallest of things in your life that define who you are, and your mistakes and failures in life will define who you will become.